92nd Academy Awards Predictions

BEST PICTURE: I want it to go to Parasite, because it deserves it, but it'll go to Once Upon a Time in Hollywood, because Oscars gonna Oscar.

BEST DIRECTOR: Either Mendes or Tarantino, though again, Bong Joon-ho deserves it.

BEST ACTOR: I've seen none of these, but DiCaprio or Driver.

BEST ACTRESS: I've only seen Little Women, Saoirse Ronan absolutely deserves it, but I expect it'll go Renée Zellwegger.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR: I've only seen The Irishman. It'll either go to Pacino or Tom Hanks.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS: Does everyone love Laura Dern, or is it just the gays I follow on Twitter? Either her or ScarJo for Jojo Rabbit.

BEST ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY: Again, Parasite deserves it, but I think it'll go either to Tarantino or Rian Johnson.

BEST ADAPTED SCREENPLAY: The Irishman.

BEST ANIMATED FEATURE FILM: I've only seen Toy Story 4, and I bet it'll win just because Oscars gonna Oscar.

BEST INTERNATIONAL FEATURE FILM: Parasite for sure. If Parasite gets snubbed in general, I can see it going to Les Mis, because it's raw and hard and rough. I haven't seen the other ones.

BEST DOCUMENTARY FEATURE, BEST DOCUMENNTARY SHORT SUBJECT, BEST LIVE ACTION SHORT FILM, BEST ANIMATED SHORT FILM: I can't even begin to guess.

BEST ORIGINAL SCORE: I think this is probably the last chance to give this to John Williams for a Star War, which the Oscars do tend to do.

BEST ORIGINAL SONG: I haven't seen most of these, but the Frozen II song is way better than the Toy Story 4 song.

BEST SOUND EDITING: If I notice the sound editing in a film, it's probably bad news. Ford v Ferrari, for all that racing noise.

BEST SOUND MIXING: Let's arbitrarily give this one to Joker.

BEST PRODUCTION DESIGN: Parasite, because they built that house, and it looks fucking incredible. Once Upon a Time in Hollywood or 1917 if Parasite gets snubbed.

BEST CINEMATOGRAPHY: 1917 and The Irishman do nothing special. I haven't seen The Lighthouse, but it looks incredible, and it probably deserves it.

BEST MAKEUP AND HAIRSTYLING: Bombshell, because I really can't tell any of the light-haired skinny women in skirts apart from either each other or the real ones.

BEST COSTUME DESIGN: Jojo Rabbit manages to inject a fun energy into fairly standard WW2 stuff, but at the end of the day it's still WW2 stuff. Little Women does period drama well, but it's not doing anything new. Either The Irishman or Once Upon a Time in Hollywood because of how well they nail their respective periods.

BEST FILM EDITING: Parasite, for that they-come-home montage.

BEST VISUAL EFFECT: The Irishman's CGI deaging was distracting, Lion King should-a been nominated for animated feature, Avengers: Endgame'll get it.